This journal is dedicated to whatever rolls across my mind and to those who listen. Thank you.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

diary entry April 27, 2014

After watching tv for 45 minutes sunday morning @ around 5:30, i cried.  tears rolled down my face.  i felt horrible over what i had seen.  an evangelist pumped tall tails for 1000 $ donations.  news broadcasts superficially focused on extreme drama; crashes, murders, traffic and weather.  news anchors pressed stiff and caddy.  infomercials snake oil salesmen cleverly dictating fiction in abstract analysis, 'guaranteed'.
switched finally to pbs.  ahh public funded broadcast.  thank you pbs.  switched to pbs for a grounded approach to my tv moment.  a documentary on pollution caused me to reflect on what i throw away and do not consider.  caused me to consider how we, of 1 Place take for granted precious commodities, gods green Earth. 
i cried. i felt guilty.  i felt sad.  i cried that i was not a perfect man and we are not perfect people.  i cried.  i wished all take a minute to consider another view.
i turned off the tv.
i crumpled into a ball in my chair and i cried another minute.  imagining suffering and pain.  unnecessary roughness.  unnecessary suffering.  taking one today.  take another tomorrow and another after that.  take a moment as my own.  Reflecting, Realizing, Remembering.
i cried this morning.  i'm glad i did.

Friday, October 11, 2013

jibb jibb jibberish. if you think too much, you're broke.

living on less of the stress will keep me from a slip of my grip on the table top of humanity.  singing like a clown fish swimming, priming my firing squad, my bod, I implore to know more as a common courtesy.  please don't tell me what up.  what's down is the ground, so to speak politely, and in good nature-will do you good as understood when we challenge ourselves to learn, discern, analyze with our human anatomy. brain c? brain. gotta brain will travel.  god said brain you thought train and  'uh, huh well, hey yeah garshk, i'll  errr'll get the next one' (say that in Disney's Goofy voice)
listen up not to be slippen up on the down low cruise control pace in which i glide. smooth sailing, not looking for whaling other than watching my man.  toot! toot! blow your own horn! outa that ho shoot a lo down jam of yo genus in da pot.  no? be a part of the one? the only? beyond your mind collective; souls you can't call anything, soonest done, aint no fun, a label nullifies Majesty of creation, what I am, who You are, now together.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

the song in my head goes like this... (set 2 own music. how do u hear it?) pop tarts. who don't like a pop tart? 
pop tarts
pop tarts mmm... pop
pop. pop. pop.
p. p. p. pa pa pop tar-t-s
pop tarts

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Unemployed 4+ Years

Almost got a job today.
Almost.  Ha! Horse shoes and hand grenades, Almost.
Life in the day, in the day of a lowly Actor.  Starving Artist.
Starving is pain and pain gives perspective.
Get things straight as to what is important.
Almost got a job today.
I am happy for my sacrifice.
Happy I have learned less is more.
More is More but Happy is for Real.
Almost had a job today.
Almost, but no.  In the end
I hold no resentment for my status.
No unrest with my S-l-o-w motion.
I see more now.
See what's right what's wrong.
Me, Inside has been wrong
Am wrong, Will Be Wrong.
Almost had a job. Not yet though.
Not yet.  Time Time Time
is on my side.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

morning prayer-poem or, prayoem. ;)

this might be a poem. maybe. depends on what a poem is. maybe it's a prayer. labels r so restricting. ;) i don't know what to call lots of stuff that bubbles from inside me, other than just 'me'.   i used 2 never consider myself special.   the more i let out what comes from inside (me) the more i realize how beautiful life can be.  how special is that?  :)

take ur time 2 read things.  take ur time, take ur time, take ur time.  slow down.  let words resonate within you.  there is great meaning in slow.  peace.

15 pounds gone.
lighter tighter pumpkin seeds r ripe 4 eat'n.
no meat, it beat the feet (it left, exited the building)
i eat more health than wealth, of portions in control.
stretch, bend, bake that cake,
i'll have a piece no doubt!
everything in balance, taken in stride,
with patience 'n disciplined control.
don't eat too much 'n look like a bacon roll.  (it just came 2 mind.  lots of bacon & bread won't be doing ur insides proper, hence improper distortions of uf exterior ie: yo fat! ;)
things of nature for thousands of years
are perfect for us as they are.
no need for boxes, hydroxes, dyes & brew,
carbonates or ectofates & garbeldy goo.
read that label is what we must do
realize what's in u can kill u 2.
look to the light, turn it on in ur head
wake up to sunshine when u get outa bed.
become aware, look in wonder
don't give a shit bout ur blunderous thunder,
& rain, washing under the bridge connecting u 2 shore.
go like the river u stand b4,
bending turning, washing around
ebbing, flowing, bouncing abound.
bend like a reed i'd heard bruce lee'd said
flow like a butterfly another man read.
look up, look down, look out!
to the world in its way
it will show u if u pay,
to ur insides.

love the world we are in,


Thursday, August 30, 2012

mans Beast friend

learn from beast man, love is good when respect for 1 another stands first class. no second rate trash talk, jive ho-belly ach'n will ever get you. take it like a hue man & try to understand what makes you tick. why u bugg'n when u bugg. take charge of 1 self. control is knowing i am wrong & i must learn. i am a simple man. dumb by many standards, but i am discovering who i am. Happy. ;) mhmm. slip diddly slap rapp'n it up 4 myself soulder like. no dough, but i got heart baby.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

out of the mind in a moment

writing is waning. it goes to the reality of the want for more now about nothing. so to sit and think what to write seems a bit sad then... just doodling with no real art behind it. expressing blah blah blud de blah bla. Silence is what i expect it to be, quiet, is what i need to dream. My mind, my mind. Randomness roams my melon. To be or not to be, of Serious nature or not. To be silly, to be mad, hell man i aint bad. if i give or if i take, all i know is its no mistake. things in life they're meant to be, simple life, it beckons me. like my girls soft and sweet, pnut n lilly at my feet. my #1 she's so grand, makes my life a corn poppio stand! lol! its my thing lickety split, as u c i dont give no sh*! this is my life, random, insane and fun, the way i like it. i am impatient at times but i know the future is bright. so i wait, not so patiently kinda sorta and enjoying the journey. the journey. heard that before? its not the destination, its the journey. lol! lifes biggest mysteries are elementary riddles. no doubt. peace out. holla! ;0)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

my penpal from Tehran Iran

and now for something completely different. ;-)
i have a penpal in Iran. he found me on youtube and left me a comment. i appreciate being able to communicate with him. fascinated by the possibilities of a peaceful world. we are in a special time right now. things are changing faster. ;) look at the Big Picture. Look!


ok. my first querry my new friend.
what is ur general perception of the US? and of it's people and where we stand facing one another as iranians & americans?
and please be honest. i'm not a ‘hater’ and i always do my best to understand all points of view. so if u feel u must hold back please do not. Understanding how we are perceived is crucial in moving forward as a world united than a world divided.
thank u my brother. i appreciate it. :)
all the best to you.
oh and how old are you? i am 39, i live in LA and am working on my career in hollywood as a movie actor.
thanks again. :)


Hello, and sorry for the late response. I have been very busy !! My general perception if I understand the question correctly correctly of your country that it is beautiful for the most part, and you have more freedom than any other nation in the world (I guess your tied with Canada). I have been to America before, and I have to say they are very nice people. Every country has good and bad people, of course there is racism in your country just like there is in mine, but the people were generally good. Most Iranians actually like Americans a lot, we watch American movies, listen to your music, follow your fashion, we have lot's of your food here, and a large majority of Iranians speak English very well. I believe the only reason we are separated is because of politics, and this is very unfortunate. The Iranian people like Americans a lot is what I am trying to say my friend :) I am actually 25, even tho my youtube says 31 ;) Good luck with your acting career, when I first actually saw you I said to myself this guy deserves to be in movies! hahah. Stay in touch my friend :)

no worries on a delayed reply. no worries. ;) thank u so much for doing so. i truly appreciate your communications. :) and i appreciate what you have said. i am happy at what you have told me.
and thank you on my career! lol! i'm working hard at it. i recently moved to Los Angeles (one year ago) from NYC to pursue my acting career. it is evolving. like anything else it takes time. but things are happening. i am pleased. i am interested with my growing celebrity to help bring awareness to all people that we are all people. lol! that we are all the same just from different parts of the world. we all feel the same emotions. :)
in any case... thank you! again for your openness.
another querry please... do you experience censorship? are there restrictions on what you can view online? how free are you to express yourself publicly?
take your time in reply. it's all good. i'm just happy to be in touch with you.
happy holiday to you. :) what religion do you practice if any?
all the best!
having a merry christmas here. :)
your friend,
Hollywood USA ;)

Hello again, yes unfortunately there is a lot of censorship in Iran. Our local TV only gets about 7 channels, everyone has satellite but the government sends out signals that affect its transmission. Sites like Facebook and YouTube are blocked (Attempted to be blocked at least lol).. Also, we cannot express ourselves in anyway out in public other than in favour of the government. You can get in very big trouble. Also, women here are forced to wear Hijab which I guess you have seen before, even in summers when it is around 40 degrees Celsius (104 F) they are forced to have a lot of clothing. Men can't wear certain clothes like shorts, and they are very strict on "edgy" hairstyles. Freedom of speech and expression pretty much doesn't exist here my friend. I am very familiar with Christmas, but I am Muslim. Although not extreme muslim or a regular practicer of religion I still have belief in god. Best of holidays to you my friend, Tim Hollywood ! hahah

Keep in touch !

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

it's what i do

walking down the road i bare
my heart, my soul, with all i share
passion, love of living, good life
strength, compassion, good will.
i feel of my heart & always do mind
trying to learn all that i can.
i am my own man, making my own stand
here me roar, hear me growl
look out i'll remove that scowl
with a twisting turn, a slide of hand
i'll have you dreaming of la la land.
so come with me
take my hand
i'm off to take
a fly'n leap

it's what i do. ;)

Monday, November 14, 2011

my reply 2 my young youtube friend on being lonely

i do remember speaking of being lonely as a result of me having to cut nonsense people from my life. there are a lot of people in life who take too much of your good vibe and can hold you back. you gotta identify, cut and move on and that is very lonely. been so lonely i've cried many many times. pain, hurt, torn, ripped, shredded heart sad and lonely. yes i've been lonely. what i say to that is yes it is ok... we must experience whatever the good path gives us in return. that you are trying to be a better man is all you need do. there will be issues we gotta deal with on our path and loneliness is one of them. i can tell you what i live and i can tell you that it gets better. in time. gotta pay ur dues so to speak. its true. its the path to being a man. owning yourself and setting yourself free.

it's ok to be lonely. it happens. what also will happen is that you get better at identifying and attracting the right people to you. in time.

hang tuff brother. you got it. ;-)


Saturday, September 17, 2011

knots & rope

mistakes are knots in a rope. rope is your life line. remember rope is malleable, it can bend, twirl and twist or be taught and straight. then again it can meander and sway. it can also loop round and round and round in circles endlessly repeating itself... round n round... n round.... dizzying round and... ahem.. (excuse me;) you get my point.

mistakes are knots in your rope. climb your rope. follow with fluid abondon. let a mistake, a knot in your rope be the footing you use to push further along your path. climb up yall! ascension is good! ascend thyself and watch those knots unfurl as you pass.

then you will be free. then you'll really be free.

Monday, September 5, 2011


If u open a door
with-out a key
inside of thee
shall be
the sins of the world.

Weighing weight
Scaling back
Soul ever more scarce
You, the, he or she
Shall disappear
From the realm
Of happy

Go to
Go fro
Go the way
Ur instinct doth sho

Listen up
Listen hard
This is truth
Most divinitively

God is within
God is without
Made in an image
I am him no doubt

Hell yes!
Damn right!
I am here
For my own fight!

Live within
Live without
Live all day long
In a moment no doubt

Expand ur heart
Open ur mind
Love exponentially
And watch dreams explode
With life With vitality
Happy times great family

Life is good
Life is grand
It only takes u 2 understand.

Please understand. Please understand. Please start, little by little, baby step after baby step, piano piano, bit by bit, you, us, we, together will b forever happy.

No doubt.


Sunday, August 14, 2011


C’mon down. We’re closer to God than u might think.

Salamander-pink chiffon fabric on the walls of an old school east village tattoo shop. (Kinda shop that existed when getting a tat in NYC was illegal. Small, secluded in the basement of an old tenement building. Imagine that. Tattoo’s… illegal.) Crazy ink splattered designs up and down the halls. Enter small square room. Dark black shiny walls that seem to rise up forever. Cold damp concrete floor. Steel chair and a tattoo gun sit centeredly square. Fluorescent ceiling light seems more like heavens pearly gate shining openly down upon me. Sitting in the chair, needle to my own head I think of the lifetimes of lost love. The sorrow and bitter sting of heart break. My hand guided by spirit painstakingly-meticulous, proceeds methodically and determined. With memories, the pain of pain is ground out. The deep and heavy grinding of 15 precise points hammering thousands a second magnify inside my skull.

I don’t understand it. I used to feel things and deny them. No more. I’m learning to adapt. To go with the flow. U know bro? I’ve been at this game for millennia. Nothings changed but the weather. All you people out there have the same fucked attitude. No worries bro. I’m working it. I gotcha back. See… my time is now homey. Time to shake my money maker. Ha ha! Rock and Roll baby! Only the strong will survive this hooorah muther fucker! Balls to the wall and ready to smash skulls! Fuck you demon mother fuckers! I will have you bitches!

Free the minds of my people! My brothers and sisters! Free the minds or suffer my hammer in time!

Peace out Sucka!

Your Best Worst Nightmare

Monday, August 1, 2011

waking tune

tune in turn out
tune in blurt out
tune in work out
tune in scream, shout
tune in turn on
tune in be on
tune in be-yond
wake up look out
wake up kick out
wake up no doubt
wake up live l-oud

live loud live loud be proud be proud... BE PROUD.

i feel it inside
i let it out
i feel it inside
i let it out
i feel it inside
i let it out i let it out i let it out

live loud live loud be proud be proud...

having fun
having fun
only having fun
why can't we have fun?
lots n lots of fu fu fun? i love fun
its what i do
its there for u
why dontchu c u?
its there for u
right there for u
just reach out and...
have fu fu fu fun lots n lots of fu fu fu fun...

live loud live loud be proud be proud

it resides in u
i can't spell it 4 u
u gotta believe in u
u r who u choose
u just gotta b u

it starts with love
love inside u
u got 2 love u
love u love u love u

all u gotto do yo
is love u yo
its all u got yo
why dontcha kno yo?
its on u bro
whyo whyo whyo
love yo love yo LOVE... yo

love urself. forgive urself. understand urself and the world will understand u.

Monday, July 11, 2011

i feel

i feel like sand, impressionable malleable clay with heart and soul. a molasses interior that flows smoothly with the universe. no fast no slow just go... at my own pace... my pace w the universe. steady, regular, consistent. i love how i feel. i love my emotions so deep and strong. tears of joy of pain of recognition. amazement at my wonder. my life my dream. i live more in touch every day. and because of it... my dreams, my heart, my love soars... way way way... so way up i never could dream so big. its out there. your dream. waiting for you. live it. : - )